A friend

Let me tell you about a friend of mine.

I've known him for a long time. From, what will it be, when I was about fourteen years old. You could say that we kind of grew up together. We shared beautiful, special moments, but he was also there in sad times. I could always count on him.

In the beginning, I remember well, I didn't like him much. My attitude was somewhat suspicious. That was because it was an extraordinarily charming appearance. Sparkling too. And he was good in the group. No one had as many friends as him.

But also a real chatterbox. Confident.

We kept bumping into each other and slowly a kind of bond grew.

He visited more and more often and we got to know each other better.

Going out with him and friends was a party. He really triggered something in me. I was brimming with confidence. He stimulated me to think: Bring on the world!

There were times when I saw him less. He never showed up during my pregnancies.

At other times he just flattened the door. He then turned out to be a real glutton who just didn't want to go home. And by default, the next week I was back with a full bag at the glass container or handing in crates to the supermarket.

At a certain point our relationship started to take on a somewhat immoderate character.

And now I don't know anymore. We've known each other for so long.

That nice feeling, that sparkle, I feel less and less.

He still visits regularly. Some periods even daily.

And that's exactly what I doubt about, because more and more often I don't feel good about it the next day. And that goes a long way. To the point of physical discomfort.

Our relationship has changed. Why am I still spending so much time with this slick charmer? Because that's what he is.

In the morning I always see that very clearly: Not today! If he reports, I say "no".

As the day progresses and the evening approaches, things settle down and my mood softens. In my head I begin to condone his behavior: He doesn't mean it that way. We often have such a good time. That's how I roll into the evening with him like a marble in the inevitable well.

It's not him, it's me. I'm the one who keeps this relationship going.

When I think about it like that, I'm actually not sure if it was ever a real friend. He was always there, but in retrospect he also put me in difficult situations. I even made a huge embarrassment on more than one occasion. His implacable nature I have always covered with the mantle of love.

But now it's enough! I need breathing room. That's why our relationship's belt loosens up a few notches.

In January I managed to keep him out for 30 days. It will certainly manage to tie in another 40 days!


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