Responsible for your own health
This week it was time! My husband and I had set ourselves a 100 day 'not a drop' challenge starting January 1, 2023. Last week (day 87) I woke up at 3:00 am because my husband rolled over in bed with a stench of alcohol. 'Have you been drinking?', I asked him surprised but also with a feeling of disappointment. 'Yeah, but I couldn't help it. They had just put a Leffe in front of me and then I had to, didn't I? It's hard to pass up, again so unfriendly to the guys from my club.' What nonsense, I thought angrily, because he hadn't lasted. His smart goal (see blog 2) had to be lower than 100 days next time, because his response the next morning was: 'Damn, it looks like I failed an exam after working so hard.' When I said he'd better lower his goal for the next challenge, he yelled, "Well, I'll just keep going, but now I want to last until July this summer." That's another thing people do when they've fallen through the ice, punishing themselves harder because they're ashamed of the other person. Trying again and again but failing every time is the most demotivating scenario you can think of. Of course I comforted him by saying that 87 days was not a bad result at all. "At least better than last year, dear, because then you stranded after five days."
I wondered why I myself felt that anger and disappointment, especially since I hadn't had a drink myself. Am I not responsible for his actions? Not to die dead, but that is often the case with many couples. You interfere (or judge) endlessly with each other about how the other should behave, often with the result that if one of them gives his heels for a night of light, the other will seriously violate the 'prohibition'. Childish and weird right?
Suddenly I remembered a Health Science lecture from earlier in which it was stated that everyone is responsible for their own health. See, that could be an answer to my question. After all, you are not an extension of your spouse, your partner or adult children, so that means no interfering with each other's (health) behavior.
I wish everyone good luck with all the challenges and maybe see you next year!