Blogger speaking

It's Saturday morning, after another successful alcohol-free week! What I especially notice about myself is that I'm starting to feel more and more. Like opening the curtains. This feels very rich, if I may describe it that way. Of course there is also another side. Feelings of anxiety, fear, anger and sadness also seem to be stronger. But this I accept, and try to embrace. The big advantage now that I've been going through life without anesthesia for a while is that I'm becoming more resilient. I notice this especially in my relationship. Where I used to be more unsettled by conflicts, I find that the feelings that come with a conflict are much more bearable. I notice them, sometimes I pronounce them, but sometimes I park them for a while. The big difference is that the negative feeling comes in faster, but also fades away quickly.

As everyone has noticed, the days are getting longer again. And with butterflies in my stomach I start to long for spring again. I'm looking forward to it, and I'm less anxious about the idea that I won't drink alcohol for a long time. Sometimes I think about it, and I realize how delicious it will be. But then I fast forward, and I realize that I won't have any control over this (yet). And I don't want to go back to how I felt before my alcohol-free period. I notice that I feel very strong, and I am confident that I will be able to resist the temptations for the time being.

Perhaps what I see as the greatest gift is that I get into bed grateful every night. My husband is a snorer and I (was) a bad sleeper. Not a good combination. We've already tried everything. Earplugs, noise canceling and now I even have my own bed that I can get into. When I had just stopped drinking, I especially noticed that my sleep was worse. It pisses me off sometimes. My husband's snoring didn't really help either. I don't know when it was, but there was a tipping point. And from that moment on I sleep fantastically! I have much less trouble with snoring. I still use my earplugs, and sometimes I wake up for a while, but I am able to go back to sleep. I dream very intensely, and also think that I am processing a lot in my sleep. Mornings feel great. Fresh and looking forward to the day. That's why getting into bed every night feels like a present. I wonder if it can stay that way.

Until next week!