Not drinking has been good for me for the past week. Even a moment, in which I would have made the choice to go completely nokkie, I survived this week without drinking. Instead of the anesthetic, I connected with someone and could talk about it instead of actually making it go away. The experience that this difficult moment was also manageable, and that it even brought a bit more clarity and processing, is confirmation that this is what I want. This helps me move forward! I have learned to make more contact in the moments when I am alone at home and a bad feeling creeps up on me. Contact with 'real' friends, instead of my old, trusted 'boyfriend'.
I am becoming more and more aware of the risk situations in which I would normally have a drink. On the one hand, the corona crisis has made it a bit easier for me. There were more moments alone at home, but with regard to external and social occasions, there were considerably fewer. I have even been able to use corona as an excuse to withdraw from certain situations.
But the challenge is over, so is corona...
What makes that after IkPas I don't just go for the axe again, if I decide to drink occasionally again? Haven't I tried this before? Several times even? Do things like 'a joker' work for me? Or should I just be really honest with myself? I've mentioned it before in my blogs, by the way, the all-or-nothing cases. Do I have to disappoint myself every time, because eventually there are always more? Because disappointing myself, that's how I feel somehow. Do I still want that?
I don't want to drink alcohol anymore!
It just gives me a lot more when I don't drink. My physical and mental health are improving in every way. I now experience enjoying beautiful moments with a capital G! Sincerely and intensely ENJOY. And the lesser moments, well… by now some more handles for that.
I know very well what my difficult situations are. The moments where I probably won't be able to say 'no' as easily. I mapped them out for myself and came up with alternatives or solutions for them:
There is no more drink in the house. At my house we cook together, we play games or are creative. That can also be fun without alcohol and will undoubtedly be even better. Try tasty, healthy drinks, teas made from fresh herbs and fruit, etc.
Or if, for example, I go to a party or a visit where there is a lot of drinking. I just don't sleep there anymore. Solved, because for me driving and drinking don't go together.
There are a few contacts where I notice that I'm not on the same level anymore, since I don't drink and the other is. I don't want to become an 'anti-drinker' and I respect everyone's choices, but sometimes it makes certain relationships a bit more complicated. In this I will have to make choices and put myself and my feelings first. Clearly saying 'no' and repeating that I don't drink is and remains a very important one. The power of repetition; both for myself and for those around me.
And an experiment to get my natural happiness hormone, as soon as time allows it again: a dance somewhere when a good band is playing. It also works at home. Just cross that threshold and experience that you don't need alcohol to be able/dare to dance. But then together with a friend who supports me in that moment, because stronger together
Time will tell if I will succeed in all of this. Learning goes by trial and error, isn't that what makes you grow? I make an informed choice not to drink anymore. No jokers for me. I know myself, my cases all or nothing. It's better for me not to tell myself that fat sausage.
It actually feels a bit like saying goodbye to…. For real!
Alcohol has been my boyfriend for a very long time. My boyfriend has also brought me good, helped me through hard times. He didn't just bring me rottenness. Maybe I can say goodbye to him with a nice ritual? This would really help me.
I'm going to think about this next week and share it with you in my last blog.