Ceiling service

Apr 6, 2022 / Topical / Background

It's three in the morning and I'm wide awake. I haven't slept for a second and it doesn't look like I will in the foreseeable future. This is called ceiling service. I have an incredibly busy head and at the moment everything is going through my head. From the fantastic lunch we had today on the occasion of my mother's 75th birthday, the shower in need of a cleaning, a discussion I once had in the past, to concerns about this or that etc etc. VER - TERRIBLE!!! It's been a long time since I've had this and luckily, because I can miss these drama nights like a toothache. At times like that, I really do everything I can. I can literally feel the misery of a certain moment in my life and I also get heart palpitations again, with or without a sweat breakout. Guilt about things from the past quickly alternates with the need to make a shopping list and ideas about cleaning and redecorating my shed. Sigh….. This is soooo tiring!! In addition, I suffer from my body, because it screams for sleep, but does not get it. Slowly I get to a point where I don't even yawn anymore and get over my fatigue. I'm lucky to be free tomorrow, so I can somewhat indulge in the miserable feeling. I therefore take my sudoku booklet for the thirtieth time and start on puzzle 6 of this night. I had so many plans for tomorrow, but I try to put them out of my head as much as possible. Eventually, I realize that it might be a good idea to take a day off from hiking (really?), leave my camera in my bag (seriously?) and keep housework to a minimum (but you have to!). I still have a book, not too thick so ideal to read in 1 day. I can already see myself sitting under my blanket on the couch with my book. There is a little peace in my mind again. I realize that I can no longer change my bad night and that I can function just fine without 7 to 8 hours of sleep. I could of course sleep in, with the emphasis on WOULD. Sleeping in is completely foreign to me (sooo unfortunate). It only happens sporadically that I am awake later than eight or eight thirty. I immediately look at my alarm clock and realize that I would have to settle for a sleep of 5 hours, maybe even less since there is no hair on my head and no fiber in my body thinking about sleeping right now. Suddenly I remember that I haven't used my rain app in a while. It was not necessary, because I had been sleeping like an ox for weeks. When the app is open, the soothing sound quickly hits me. Hope this brings me some relaxation.

When I open my eyes in the morning, it is eight o'clock. As predicted, I immediately wake up and do not fall asleep again. I have to say that I don't even feel that bad yet, but my decision to stay in bed was quickly made. So no point in leaving my warm bed. When I finally roll out of bed after an hour and a half of scrolling, my head is already planning the day. I walk into the shower and see myself. SCARE!! (think of Kevin's face in the movie Home Alone) What a bag of bags!! The way my hair falls around my face (and stands up straight) doesn't make it look good really better off. I pull my face (no, that looks great), pat my cheeks and run a brush through my hair (hurrah, static!). I say good morning to myself, but I don't say anything back. I grab the full laundry basket, walk towards the washing machine and in no time the first wash is spinning. That really won't be reading a book today, I can feel it in my water. I'm busy and when I look at the clock again it's close to one and I realize that I'm still walking around in my pajamas and still look just like that moment in the mirror this morning. Only my hair fits a little better, because a rubber band keeps my static hair in check. I realize that PostNL will deliver a package and that I should get dressed. And, you'll always see, when I'm in my poodle naked, the bell rings. So I still have to open the door in my bathrobe and with a withered head. Well planned Tessa! I walk upstairs shaking my head. In the shower I laugh at myself, put on my clothes after all and spend the rest of the afternoon cleaning and cleaning (yes, the shower is clean!), I do my shopping and run all the laundry through it. When I finally, after dinner, plop down on the couch with a cup of coffee, I collapse. Tonight I enjoy the TV and go to bed early. Tomorrow there's another day.

I close this very last blog with a feeling of pride. I have not drunk alcohol for 3 and a half months. Until now I don't know when I'm going to have another drink. I'm sure it will happen, but I certainly won't run straight to the supermarket/liquor store when my challenge is over. After all, on a day like today, I wouldn't have woken up as fit as I had drunk yesterday. A big thank you goes out to IkPas for supporting my 14 weeks(!) challenge and of course for letting me share my stories/blogs on their website. It has helped me through this period and brought me a lot. I am extremely grateful for this, but at the same time I am also relieved that it is coming to an end. The inspiration is gone.

Finally, because my colleague (this one is M for you) thinks I talk too much about weekends away and my vacation in my blogs, I want to repeat in this very last blog that I'm going on vacation in 5 weeks. In 5 weeks folks!! That's in a month. Whoop whoop!!


March 18, 2023 / Background

Better laugh real than fake

'Laughter is healthy' is the expression for a reason. Does your brain register a good joke, hilarious cat video or a funny situation, then that is the starting signal for the production of…
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